Neither of you “deserved” what happened to you. You were a victim of crime, and the dickheads responsible are who is at fault. But in reading this, I’m glad you feel more at peace with your former self. Lots of hugs and love to you. 🩵 🫂
I remember you opening up about this before, either during one of our rare phone calls or somewhere in the many almost daily messages we exchange. But reading it like this hit me differently. This is honestly such a raw, self-aware piece about realizing that reinventing yourself wasn’t just “starting fresh.” It was survival. I cried reading it. I’m really glad you’re finally leaving space for compassion for your old self instead of just blame. Honestly, Ren would not be my/our Ren if it wasn’t for her. 🤍
I’m so proud of you, Ren. And I’m so happy you are on the path of forgiveness with her because, yeah, it’s wasn’t her fault and she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her. Reflecting through reckless decisions is always a hard tightrope to walk on as you battle with the what ifs…I’m very thankful you’re in a safer environment now and that we could become friends. I hope you continue to walk hand in hand toward brighter days.
This is beautiful, Ren 🩷 I once read, and now I always say that the names we give our children are place holders until they say otherwise. I have my own struggles with my name, and truthfully I've considered changing one of my children's middle names. Names are so personal and I'm glad you found yours 🩷
This kind of reminds me of me. For years now I've been trying to bury my first name because it's attached to some of the worse years and memories of my life. I've never gotten rid of it completely, not a legal change to drop it or anything...and I would still use it on certain occasions. But largely I started to go by "Rain" (which those who don't know is my middle name translated to English). My mom wouldn't really go with this, saying "I gave you your name and that's what I'll call you." or "I'm use to the other one, sorry". .... Fine whatever, right. When I got to Ante it was a clean freakin' slate. Everyone called Rain...well...."Rainy", but the same thing 😂. I can't even explain how that felt inside to me referred to as Rain without even a hint of my first name anywhere. 🥺🥹❤️🩹 Some Antes know my first name now.... but they have the respect to not use it. Like you said it IS a complicated relationship with the old name, we didn't deserve the things that happened to us, but it's also a reminder of all the things we persevered through and lessons learned. Keep healing & stay strong. 🫂🩶🩶
I’m sorry your mother didn’t respect your wishes. I know your first name but it doesn’t fit for me. You’re Rainy to me. My mother isn’t great with a lot of things but I’m grateful that she eventually accepted this. I’d probably distance myself further from her if she didn’t. Thanks for commenting and sharing a tiny piece of your experience. I feel grateful for one more thing now. 🫶🤍
I completely get the want to bury the past yous. Leave them behind. But also understand how important it is to recognise they are apart of who you are..
And completely agree that to deadname someone isn't a joke. And i have a sense of humour. But yes that is not funny.
❤️🫂
Very brave, and even though you're feeling a kind of way about it. There must be a little bit of lightness to getting it off your soul maybe?
I’d like to say yes… but not yet. I don’t know what I feel other than a need to retract inside myself and process. It was a huge step to speak that name out into the Universe. I love her, but I don’t really like her yet. It will come. 🤍
Ren, i don't have to tell you that it was never her or your fault! You are a survior and you are strong. The girl you were survived to let you become the woman you are now. Give her credit for that and be proud of both parts of yourself! 🫂🩵
Neither of you “deserved” what happened to you. You were a victim of crime, and the dickheads responsible are who is at fault. But in reading this, I’m glad you feel more at peace with your former self. Lots of hugs and love to you. 🩵 🫂
I remember you opening up about this before, either during one of our rare phone calls or somewhere in the many almost daily messages we exchange. But reading it like this hit me differently. This is honestly such a raw, self-aware piece about realizing that reinventing yourself wasn’t just “starting fresh.” It was survival. I cried reading it. I’m really glad you’re finally leaving space for compassion for your old self instead of just blame. Honestly, Ren would not be my/our Ren if it wasn’t for her. 🤍
I’m so proud of you, Ren. And I’m so happy you are on the path of forgiveness with her because, yeah, it’s wasn’t her fault and she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her. Reflecting through reckless decisions is always a hard tightrope to walk on as you battle with the what ifs…I’m very thankful you’re in a safer environment now and that we could become friends. I hope you continue to walk hand in hand toward brighter days.
This is beautiful, Ren 🩷 I once read, and now I always say that the names we give our children are place holders until they say otherwise. I have my own struggles with my name, and truthfully I've considered changing one of my children's middle names. Names are so personal and I'm glad you found yours 🩷
This kind of reminds me of me. For years now I've been trying to bury my first name because it's attached to some of the worse years and memories of my life. I've never gotten rid of it completely, not a legal change to drop it or anything...and I would still use it on certain occasions. But largely I started to go by "Rain" (which those who don't know is my middle name translated to English). My mom wouldn't really go with this, saying "I gave you your name and that's what I'll call you." or "I'm use to the other one, sorry". .... Fine whatever, right. When I got to Ante it was a clean freakin' slate. Everyone called Rain...well...."Rainy", but the same thing 😂. I can't even explain how that felt inside to me referred to as Rain without even a hint of my first name anywhere. 🥺🥹❤️🩹 Some Antes know my first name now.... but they have the respect to not use it. Like you said it IS a complicated relationship with the old name, we didn't deserve the things that happened to us, but it's also a reminder of all the things we persevered through and lessons learned. Keep healing & stay strong. 🫂🩶🩶
I’m sorry your mother didn’t respect your wishes. I know your first name but it doesn’t fit for me. You’re Rainy to me. My mother isn’t great with a lot of things but I’m grateful that she eventually accepted this. I’d probably distance myself further from her if she didn’t. Thanks for commenting and sharing a tiny piece of your experience. I feel grateful for one more thing now. 🫶🤍
So beautifully written Ren,
Im tearing up.
I completely get the want to bury the past yous. Leave them behind. But also understand how important it is to recognise they are apart of who you are..
And completely agree that to deadname someone isn't a joke. And i have a sense of humour. But yes that is not funny.
❤️🫂
Very brave, and even though you're feeling a kind of way about it. There must be a little bit of lightness to getting it off your soul maybe?
I’d like to say yes… but not yet. I don’t know what I feel other than a need to retract inside myself and process. It was a huge step to speak that name out into the Universe. I love her, but I don’t really like her yet. It will come. 🤍
Ren, i don't have to tell you that it was never her or your fault! You are a survior and you are strong. The girl you were survived to let you become the woman you are now. Give her credit for that and be proud of both parts of yourself! 🫂🩵